You Are A Beautiful Soul — And So Is the Way I Love

Am I a beautiful soul? I never thought of myself that way, but I see it now. I feel things deeply. And by things I mean people, places, emotions. I think a lot. Maybe even too much. I look at life as this palette that's just a damn mess but it still managed to create something so effortless and beautiful. The paint. The brushstrokes. The swirls. The dabs. A lot of it makes the art, come alive. For me, that's how I feel and move about through the world. Just making my own mark, in my own way. For me, a beautiful soul is someone who isn't afraid to be different even if it means being weird. I wish I could see what she saw. Maybe one day, when I have a child of my own. A love so pure is what I want. One that doesn't hurt. One that doesn't run away. I know it's out there. I want to believe it's out there. But it takes a lot of courage to show up. The world doesn't like soft. The world doesn't like messy. But it's just that a fucking mess. A mess of people's lives. A mess of people's rhetoric. A mess of people's man-made concepts. A mess. The world is a mess. But somehow we think that it's so perfect. I love hard. I love others hard. I feel things hard. But why can't I do the same for myself. WHY. Why do I let my mind roam wild with all of these negative thoughts that aren't mine. I know they aren't. But somehow the world has made me believe them.

Side note, I hate being under the weather. I know what it is. My body is running on E. I need to rest. I need to just lay down. I know I have things to do but I need rest. Yesterday was a hard day at work. Made me realize that my time there needs to come to an end. And I know it will. One day, I will have a job that speaks to me and doesn't break me down. One day I will have a job that actually appreciates me. I just have to take it one step at a time but I know that my time there is done.