A Morning with Michaela (and the Fog) — One Day at a Time / May Goals

❀May 1, 2025❀

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I WOKE UP, AND THAT'S SOMETHING

So, I didn't get much sleep last night. I realized I have trouble with just shutting my brain off. I was going to try to go back to sleep but I thought since I'm awake I might as well eat breakfast and get out of bed. It's also raining right now, just thought I'd add that. These past couple days my sleep has been all out of whack. I realized that I struggle with routines. I don't have a routine. I don't have a schedule. I'm just kind of all over the place. Like this blog. I got up this morning and brushed my teeth. I struggle with hygiene too and keeping up with brushing my teeth has been hard. It's kind of embarrassing to struggle with that. At 25. I just have a hard time with it. I have a hard time being in the bathroom and looking in the mirror. Sigh. I also really hope that my bottom tooth is okay. It had a root canal done on it but I notice that it feels sensitive. I can't go through that again. You know...that. Anyways, my plan for today is to go to Starbucks and sit down with a drink and grilled cheese, go get my nails done because I HATE THIS COLOR, and maybe pick up my prescription from Walmart. I also couldn't sleep that much because I realized I didn't get paid that much and I'm still waiting for other money. I have so much shit to pay for, I have so much shit to do. It never ends. I beat myself up for a few minutes. Like why, I used to work so much and now I don't have the mental or physical energy to do it. I don't want to work but I know I have to work. Or else my paychecks look like this. Like what I saw when I opened my CIBC app this morning. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I also was looking at pictures of effing starfish and mosaic art for like 30 minutes this morning. Why am I like this? Oh yeah, I'm making boiled eggs and drinking almond milk for breakfast. I mean, a win is a win? Man. I don't know I was just craving eggs. I'm kind of tired of cereal. Oh shit, I left the fridge door open, I'll be back! Um, I think I dropped them in the pot too hard and the shell cracked a bit....is that like, okay? Idkkkkkkk. I'm too lazy to google it right now. BTW, the state of my room is really bad. Let's just say my mental health has plummeted since January. It's really bad. I almost don't know how to clean it right now. It feels too much. When my room is messy that's how I know my mind is messy. It represents the chaos going on in my brain. I looked in the mirror this morning and I just blurted out 'one day at a time'. That was the inspo for the title of this blog post. Update on the eggs: they taste good. I don't know why I was craving eggs. I bit into the yolk and that shit was nasty. And they needed more salt. But still good. I want to try to make that wrap R sent me a picture of. It looked good. Anyways. Just thought I pop on here and share some of my thoughts this morning. MEHHHHHH. I kind of want to go back to bed.

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HERE'S A SONG THAT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD THIS MORNING

💌.Take me back to the night we met.💌

This song makes me feel like I'm missing someone who is always within reach but feels so damn far away. New York. It's not that far from here but it feels like it. I wish I could go back to the night we met. I wish things could be different. Haunted by the ghost of you. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But here I am doing it. Trying to move forward. Your always there even when I can't see you. It's in my mind. My silly mind. I'm stuck in this pattern of wanting to be different and do different things but I feel stuck. It's my mind that's stuck. I'm stuck on you. I'm stuck in November even though we're in May. I just feel stuck. This is the only place where I can get unstuck. So many people want things from me and I just don't have the energy right now to give them what they need. I miss you. I don't want to miss you but I do. I wonder if you miss me too. Why do I care? I shouldn't care. All of this messy ass history, I wish I could erase this. But I can't. What the hell I'm supposed to do? I'm never up this early. This feels weird. —MRM

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MICHAELA'S GOALS FOR MAY𓍯𓂃𓏧♡

Eat breakfast every morning | drink almond milk with it.💌

Eat twice a day.💌

Take medication everyday.💌

Brush teeth twice a day | in the morning and at night.💌

No Snapchat this month.💌