I'm Feeling So Much Loss

I got up this morning and said I have to reply to my therapist. I opened my email and she told me she closed my file because it's been three months without a booking. I feel so lost. I feel like everything is crashing down on me. I don't want to lose anyone else. I feel so crushed. I thought this time I could be consistent and actually focus on my healing and getting better. I'm crying so hard right now. I just feel so abandoned. I feel like a failure. I tried to make breakfast this morning, eggs with yogurt. Now I just feel like there is a giant hole in my chest. Like my world is crashing. I just kept saying no, no no, no, no. I hope I can see her again in the future. I just. I don't know. I'm just lost. I'm just so lost and scared. I just wanted to get better. I just feel like I have to make so much progress. I feel like I have to be perfect and get everything right. Ugh. I hope I can see her again. I just want to see her again. I feel so lost. I hope she answers me again. I'm just feeling so much loss. Loss with my mom. Loss with him. And now loss with this. I just feel loss every where right now. I'm going to go the art gallery. I probably should get ready. I just feel so empty right now. I feel guilty. Guilty for not getting back to her. Guilty for not being consistent. I just feel guilt. I feel abandoned. I know it's not personal but it feels that way. It feels heavy.