Just Thinking

I'm really tired of chasing after people. It's so draining. I just want to pour into me. All the terrible men that I've met this year, yeah I can sit here and be like I wish I never met them but the truth is, I was never the problem. Their fakeness, their immaturity, their lack of communication and crumbs. None of that shit is about me. I've shown up genuine each and every time and if they couldn't meet me there, that's their fucking problem. It's their loss. They are the ones who missed out on someone real and loving. They missed out on someone with depth and personality. Life isn't just about hooking up and getting intimate. I am so much more than that. I'm done trying to dim myself to fit these guys garbage ass standards. Fuck that and fuck you. Yeah sure it feels lonely right now but you know what feels worse, being stuck in a cycle of latching onto people who clearly have nothing to offer me. I don't care anymore. I'm done trying to shrink myself. It's not worth it. I deserve someone who sees all of me and loves all of me. I deserve someone who truly wants to get to know me and spend time with me. I deserve someone who doesn't pull their attention away because I ask them difficult questions that they're not man enough to answer. Period. And yes, I'm talking about you. Snapchat boy. I'm seriously done. One day, I know I will meet the most amazing, funny, sweet, smart, down-to-earth man. He will treat me like a princess and just be so soft and gentle with me. Not because I have to earn softness but because I've already shown up for myself that way. I'm done tolerating bullshit. The dusties can leave. I deserve more. I deserve better than a stupid fucking idiot who can't even show up properly for a date and wonders why they're still single. I deserve better than an engineer who knows nothing about how to treat a woman properly. And doesn't just use them and then fly off to where ever the fuck they came from because they are a fucking coward. I deserve better than a plumber with no sense of communication or planning skills. I'm not chasing any of you anymore. This is about me. It's time for Michaela.