MICHAELA IS A MIRROR BALL: A TAYLOR SWIFT SONG THAT FOUND ME WHEN I NEEDED IT💋🎱🍸🪩💗

❀April 29, 2025❀

Believe me when I say that never in a million years did I expect to listen and let alone relate to a Taylor Swift song so easily. I first heard of the song Mirrorball by Taylor Swift from being on TikTok. This girl on journal TikTok wrote the phrase "I'M A MIRRORBALL" in one of the pages of her journal. It caught my attention and I thought what the heck is a mirror ball it sounds cool and unique. I googled the word and figured out that it was a Taylor Swift song. I didn't start really listening to the song until after all the stuff that happened with the guy from my past. The lyrics just related to everything that I was feeling while being in that messy "situationship". Everything spoke to me. The song itself just represented feeling like the girl who is always trying to put her best foot forward and then it gets overlooked and rejected. It made me think about how I have been identifying with that painful story through ought my life and with this particular guy. That gut wrenching feeling of just wanting to be enough and be accepted by others. It's a really painful feeling that can't always be described in words, but I must admit that Taylor did it really well with this song. In this blog post, I decided to write about what lyrics stood out to me the most and how each of these particular lines made me feel.

"I'll get you out on the floor. Shimmering beautiful. And when I break it's in a million pieces."💿🪩🎧

I love these lyrics because of the imagery. A disco ball is usually the focal point of a dance floor. It is so still but it shimmers in its own way and it just instantly pulls you in to this different world. I love the word shimmering. When I break it's in a million pieces. I also feel that line too. When I get my heartbroken or feel sad it feels like your chest is exploding into a million pieces but the damage is inside of you. On the outside you can look completely fine and normal but on the inside everything just hurts.

"I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. I'm still a believer and I don't know why."💿🪩🎧

Wow, when Taylor sings these lines, that when this song really starts to make me melt. These lines each have a different way of representing everything that has happened to me with my love life right now. Just this constant ache of feeling like I have to try. I have to try to be the girl that gets the guy by being what he wants me to be or do. I hate that feeling. I often try to lighten the mood with a meme that shows my reaction to when a guy hasn't answered me in a few days or when he says something corny and kind of stupid like "I know you, we both aim to please." Like sir, please have several seats, you don't know anything about me. But I think I just try to be funny about it to take the edge away. But also that's just been Michaela, I do have a great sense of humor. Right now my favorite reaction meme is baby Halo just staring into the camera with a straight face. His eyes just express everything he can't quite say yet and that's how I feel.

When she sings "I'm still a believer and I don't know why", man that line also gets me. I still believe in love despite the hell and I mean absolute HELL I have been through just from January to April alone. I mean from having a random fling that I didn't expect to happen to meeting some phony guy on hinge. This shit has truly sent me down a long and I mean LOOOONG spiral. But somehow in the midst of all these experiences, I still have a lot of hope that I will meet my guy. I still believe in the idea of love and that one day it will happen for me. This line also mimics the hope inside of me that I freely give to people who have hurt me in love. I still have this slight hope that flickers inside of me.

Despite the distance and the really bad fights that have happened with me and this other guy, I still want to have hope in both of us. That one day everything will just make sense as to why it played out this way between me and him. Man, with him it feels like one of those really sad romance movies like The Notebook with Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling. Our story is something that I never thought would happen to me but here I am living through it right now. In fact, the heartbreak that came from that is what inspired me to take some action and create my blog. I will write more about him and us later. I also think about how badly I want him and I to just laugh and move past all of the fighting and constant blocking. I just want to laugh. I also remember when he told me that one day I will look back at this and laugh. I mean yeah, I have laughed a bit since our last fight but I wanted to be laughing with you.

"I've never been a natural all I do is try try try."💿🪩🎧

It's true, I've honestly never felt like a natural with this love and boys stuff. I never used to be the girl who got asked out by boys like I saw all the other girls in middle school and high school getting that kind of attention. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until my 20's that I started getting attention from guys. Just being vulnerable. So yeah, I don't have much experience with flirting with them or being super touchy and ready to risk it all. I hate hook ups. I hate casual things. I just don't see the point. Being casual to me just feels like your constantly on this tightrope and your scared that if you say or do the wrong thing you will just slip off and everything will go to shit. God for bid we have a serious connection. It's so annoying. But all I do is try. I try to be open-minded but then the classic conversation starter comes into question, you know, "so what are you looking for?". I'm looking for a serious relationship dummy. I hate trying. I just want love to be easy for me like it looks so easy for other people.

I just want to have my own valentine one day. Again, just being vulnerable. This line also makes me think of him too. It makes me think about how both times I tried to be casual with him but then I just realized that I want something deeper than just the physical connection. I don't want to bash how other people do things, but how do people just have hookups and not care, it's so draining physically and emotionally. How, as a human being, do you just turn off your emotions that easily just to fulfill yourself physically. And if I'm being completely real, I didn't enjoy the physical intimacy part because it had no substance, the passion, the love. I think that stuff is needed to make it even better. Not something you just happen to do just because.

Since we are on the topic of disco balls, here is another song that I fell in love with from TikTok. This song is called Disco by Surfs Curse. I just love this song because it feels a bit more light and airy than Mirrorball but it still has that love song vibe to it. My favorite lyrics from this song are "cause there's nothing like it not like the way you move" ,"admire all of you, but that fire burns me too" , and "can't stop that disco getting through, can't stop that disco wanting you".