The Clumsy Heart and the Careful Man: Michaela's Bridget-Darcy Rewrite

I can't believe this is a movie that I can relate to. I can't believe this is my story right now. It's like there is love stories for every type of situation and this one relates to mine. I'm literally Bridget Jones and he is literally Mark Darcy. I can relate to Bridget because she is kind of all over the place and quirky. You can tell she is different in a way that is just captivating. She has a lot of ups and downs but somehow she finds her way out of them. Just like me. She is clumsy but its kind of like a cute clumsy that draws you in. I guess I'm the modern day Bridget Jones. I've always heard of this movie but never thought it would be something that I could relate to. It was made in 2001 and here I am in 2025, relating to Bridget and her messy love relationship with Mark. I feel things deeply like Bridget. I also love people whole heartedly and I'm genuine. I'm myself. The quiet, the weird, the soft, the funny, the strong. I'm everything all in one. Like Bridget. Even when the world around me makes me feel like it's too much to be such a sensitive person, I'm still me and I can own that. Bridget tends to overthink, second-guess herself, and she leads with her emotions just like me. Bridget also just wants to have a romantic connection with someone and to feel seen for who she is without feeling the pressure to change. That's literally me on so many levels. Bridget also just shows up with so much hope and intensity even when she's been hurt many times. I'm the same way in the sense that I've been through a lot recently with men and him specifically and even though those experiences hurt like hell, I still have this flickering hope that my person is out there some where. He's my Mark Darcy. I think he is Mark to a damn tee. Everything about Mark is him. From the ridged-ness to the seemingly calm, mister I've-got-it-all-figured out demeanor. That's literally him. I always thought he was so cool and just put together. Like he's someone who just breezes through. I mean he has a good job I'm assuming and he moved to New York. It's like damn. On the outside he just seems so perfect compared to where I'm at in life. I'm still in school and working a part-time job. Everything about him just draws me in. He doesn't reveal too much just like me, but like me, he also has a lot going on underneath. I hate that I notice this shit. We have a lot of history. History that I didn't really want. We met in 2021. We fought. Didn't talk for like 3 years. Talked in 2024. Talked again in 2025. And then boom we're here, we fought and aren't talking again. It's like how did we end up here. I want off this ride. It feels like the beginning of the Behemoth. Your going up and then you realize your stuck on till the ride ends. The drops, you feel them in your stomach. The swivels. The turns. And you just have to stick it out till the ride is over. I'm just having a hard time. It all feels like it flickers really fast. The love is there, I know I'm not crazy but then its this wall that just keeps standing in the way. I love him and I told him that. I don't know that's the word I can use right now. It's like when you see someone for who they are underneath and you just see it. Your not trying to change the person or ask them to be someone their not, it's just seeing them whole heartedly and loving them just the way they are. That's how I feel with him. I just see him. The real him. Not the persona that he puts on. Most people would say, oh Michaela you should run this man has so many red flags, and it's like yeah but I know the red flags are just his way of protecting himself. He told me that he's been hurt before. I've been hurt before too. But why would heartbreak make someone go so hard? I mean I've been hurt and betrayed too, but somehow I didn't let that turn me into an ice cube. I still have this warmth. I'm still open to connection. He is just Mark Darcy. My Mark Darcy. Never thought I would have a Mark Darcy but I do. Like Mark, he is just reserved and he doesn't really wear his emotions on his sleeve. But like Mark, he also has his ways of showing that he cares. I've seen them. It's slight but it comes out. He also is successful like Mark is with his career. But he is guarded. He is guarded. I didn't see it back in 2021 but I see it now. I want to say that I hate him but I really don't. I mean I go back and fourth between I really hate this man to oh no I love him. It's all in my journal. It's kind of funny. All of this is painfully funny. We fought before he went back to New York and I've never felt such a big hole in my chest. It felt like someone ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Multiple times. I have never felt that way before. It was this sharp pain. He asked me to forgive him and I said I did. I still do. I don't hate him. I hate the way it played out.

It's like when we have chemistry, it's there and it feels like this flame igniting. He feels like a puzzle piece. I don't want it to be that way but it is. It's like when we meet up it feels like a puzzle coming together. But then it just shatters to go back into the box. When he's held my hand it feels warm and safe. His hands are soft but also strong. It's like holding something that doesn't want to let go but does. I don't think it's forever. I really don't. I just have this feeling in my heart. I'm never wrong about these things. I guess. Do you really think it was just casual between us? I don't think so. But then we fight there is also so much intensity. It's like both times there is this pull. Both are just so intense it's hard to look away. It's hard to stop. When we both let our walls down even if it's just for a moment, man, I can't explain it but the feelings are there. We're both intense but in different ways. I'm intense emotionally, he's intense physically. It's like how are we so different but the same. How. Wouldn't it just be easier if we both found people like us? Wouldn't it be so easy and better? I keep thinking those questions. Like why? Why did I have to meet him? Why can't we just be together. We've fought, there's been distance because he moved to New York, and still. Still after everything I still love and care for him.