What Am I Doing With My Life?

❁2025-05-04❁

I really don't know what I'm doing with my life right now. I cried earlier last night because I just feel so lost on what my life is supposed to look like. I feel behind. I feel stuck. I feel messy. I feel like Kashmir. I started this blog because of the pain and heartbreak that I went through in April with you know who. But know I just keep asking myself; "what the actual fuck am I doing with my life right now?". Like what am I doing, seriously. I go on Instagram and everyone just seems so happy and put together. I keep seeing stupid babies and baby showers and engagements and anniversary posts. Like what about the people like me? Who don't have any of that going on right now. Are just here and feel like they're floating. I don't see any of that. Are there people like me who exist? I don't know what the fuck this blog is or why I made it or what I'm even doing but it feels good. It feels good to write and create. I know this is something that I want to do. Create. Be creative. Inspire and live. But how the hell am I supposed to do that with this right now. I'm still in school at 25. I'm still at shitty effing McDonald's. BTW, I have a whole ass shift at 11 AM. I should get to bed. But right now nothing feels real. It feels like all of this shit is a fucking time warp. I want to get to the next stage. I keep wanting more but I don't know how the fuck to get there. Pardon my language. But this is really how I feel right now. Just stuck and messy. Literally (with my room) and figuratively (with my mind). I keep journaling and listening to music. That's all I have right now. I just don't fucking know man. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. That's all I can think of right now. I don't want to date anyone. It's exhausting. I want to write and travel the world go to concerts and live the hell out of life. I do want a boyfriend. But I'm over the bullshit that these guys have to offer. It's so ass. Like please. I know my boyfriend will be this handsome sweet amazing guy. I know I will meet him one day. I know I will get my happy ending. I know. I have to. I have to. And I will.🫤😭

Yeah. Like I really don't know what this blog is. I want to create and write and inspire. I just feel like its in between right now. Its a reflection of my state of mind. A GOD DAMN MESS. I have to figure things out. Or maybe I don't. Maybe I stop fighting the mess and just embrace that my life feels really uncertain right now. I have a lot to say. I have to a lot to write about. Maybe this is just the place for that right now. RIGHT NOW. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What am I supposed to be. Who am I supposed to be. Nothing and I mean nothing adds up. I know I want to travel and see the world. I know I want love and a beautiful healthy relationship. I know I want my own apartment downtown one day. I know I want to help people. But right now all of these things just feel like puzzle pieces hanging by strings. Like they're just up in the damn air with no place to go. Or better yet, I feel that way. Like a balloon just waiting to blow. I hate men. Let me rephrase that I hate stupid men. Men are stupid. Men are just ugh. Men are confusing. Men don't even know what they want and somehow that ends up being the girls fault. They push their own problems onto us and we are just expected to be the back end of it. They're stupid games. They're stupid ways. All because they lack any ounce of fucking accountability. They just get older with no thoughts. I'm just ranting right now. Also any man who has this idea that girls are just things to touch and play with are STUPID. I'm a human being with feelings. Like what??????????? Okay. I'm done. But seriously what am I doing with my life right now.